The Library Cops Had Me...

I was down in the Cities and visited a beautiful opulent brand new library. I walked around gawking at the ceilings, artwork and wide-open spaces. I picked out some new reading material and then came time to check out. I stood in line and when my turn came, I presented my local library card. It should be good enough, or so I thought. The librarian was wearing her glasses on a gold chain around her neck. She must have been around seventy-five with blue hair in a tight bun. She examined my card as if I had just handed her something inferior and dirty. “This isn’t a Hennepin County Library card.” she informed me. “I know, it’s an East Central Regional Library card. It’s from my local library. You should be able to use it. I’ve used it before in Anoka County.” I confidently answered. “We’ll need to see some ID,” she stated. The family next to me didn’t even have their cards. That librarian just looked them up on the computer— all with no ID, but not me. I guess I look too shifty. You can’t trust a middle-aged soccer mom. They are wild and have nothing to lose. I handed her my driver’s license. She put on her glasses, looked at my library card, my ID, the computer screen, and then back at me. The librarian scowled and said, “It looks like you had a Minneapolis library card and lived on Grand.” She peered at me over the edge of her glasses and made it sound sinister. The clear disapproval in her voice made me nervous. “I moved ten years ago. I now live in a different County.” My confidence was wavering and I was starting to sweat. “I’ll be right back.” She took my ID and library card and disappeared around back. I stood there feeling guilty. What was the hold up, I wondered. Four or five minutes passed and she finally came back. The librarian narrowed her eyes and scrutinized me. “It appears you have a $12.00 library fine.”
“Ok, I’ll pay the fine. Can I check out these books or not?” I was doubting my decision to check out any books and starting to feel like a criminal. “I’ll be right back.” And off she went again with my cards.I was getting more worried about this mysterious “Library Cop.” Maybe I should just drop everything and make a break for it. Screw my driver’s license and local library card. When you live on the lamb, you don’t need things like that from your old life. I could start over again, maybe somewhere warmer. I could also envision the film footage of me on the TV show “Cops”
The theme “Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do.” Started running in my head. Just image me running and being tackled by an 85-pound blue haired old lady with her glasses on a chain.
After another five minutes, she came back and jarred me out of my daydream. She took my money, and gave me back my cards. “You are now in our system, here’s you book, it’s due back in three weeks. Have a nice night.”
“Uh, thank you.” I stammered and breathed a sigh of relief. I was free from the library cops. I looked back over my shoulder as I left in time to see her hassling the next guy in line. He was starting to sweat and squirm.