Max-isms 1

My darling husband, Max is a hoot. His sense of humor is strange and twisted, just the way I like it. I started writing down some of his sayings. I'll post some every once in awhile. He really has said these:
"You don't get a round mouth from eating square sandwiches" I'm still not sure what this one means, but it's still funny.
I want a French Bulldog someday, and a small dog is just wrong in Max's view. When I showed him a picture of the small dog he said, "I can't walk a little dog, you might as well cut my balls off and walk them around too. It's social castration, plain and simple."
When we told my mom I was pregnant with Leif, she shot us a dirty look. Me getting pregnant right out of college wasn't part of the "plan." Max's answer was, "Sorry, I tripped." She was speechless. What can you say to that one?
When snacking on cheese puffed corn Max said, "I love these. They leave my fingers orange, my poop green and taste like nothing."
When someone does something stupid Max will say, "There's nothing wrong, but something isn't right."
And my favorite. When I complain I'm tired, or have a headache or backache, Max says, "I have a shot for that. You can take it one of 3 ways [wink, wink]" Hard not to laugh at a come on like that.