Don't Ask Chuck Norris For A Three-Hole-Punch

With the title of this entry, you might be asking, what on Earth am I talking about? Funny you should ask...I heard a really funny line this weekend. A group of adult Cub & Boy Scout leaders were sitting around talking about Chuck Norris (yes, that's what we do) at a convention. My friend Mark threw out this line: "If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask for a three-hole-punch." I was thinking three-hole-punch, as in three ring binder, yeah, that's not that funny. I looked over at Max, and he was snickering, and laughing so hard he wasn't breathing. Well, Max's humor is wonderfully dark, and if he thought it was very funny, there was something I just wasn't getting. About ten minutes later, I finally got it. Punch you in three holes...Ah, well, that is a very different joke then. Much funnier. I had to look up more Chuck Norris jokes, there are web sites full of them, I might add. In honor of my quick wit, here are some more: "Chuck Norris doesn't get laid, laid gets Chuck." "Chuck Norris ordered steak in a restaurant, the steak did what it was told." "Aliens do exist, they just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck is on." "July 4th is Independence day, and the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence, I think not." I could go on, but I won't..look them up yourself. Happy un- official Chuck Norris day.

Babies, Babies, Babies...

Well, everyone is here, and everyone arrived safely. I now have three new babies in my family. Max's sister, Sarah and her husband Q, had a little boy-Dominic James. Sarah was in labor for days before she knew it. That's the tough Russian blood in that side of the family. Sarah said, "Oh it wasn't that bad..." She's one tough broad (I mean that as the ultimate complement)

My brother Robb and my Sis-in-law, Elizabeth, had twin girls, Azy and Zoe on Friday.

All three babies are beautiful, and the moms are doing well.

I got to go and see and hold Azy & Zoe on Friday night. I fidgeted the whole day waiting for "the call." Jumping every time the phone rang. I couldn't wait to go and see them. It was amazing to see them, but also to see my brother so content, he was just over the moon.

When I visited the hospital, I had to behaved. All those newborn babies; oh I just wanted to bury my nose in their necks and breath in that new baby smell. I love to peek at those tiny toes, and perfect small ears. Most new Moms, for some strange reason aren't happy to have some strange woman smelling their babies and holding up the new babies feet while gushing "Oh look at those perfect toes, couldn't you just nibble on these?" Go figure. Like I'm the only person out there who is gaga over babies. I'm sure it's not just me. Luckily I was able to contain myself, so no one had to "escort me off the premises," this time.

The picture is of me holding Azy, it might be awhile before I get to hold Dominic, he lives in Georgia. :(

Little Girls

I overheard a very cute conversation last week. Tess and her friend Abby had pajama day at preschool, so they both were in pj's. Tess' friend had Princess pjs, and also wore a robe, a Disney Princess robe, complete with a flashing red heart light. Abby threw off her coat (very dramatically, I might add) and showed off her robe and matching jammies. Tess gasped, and said, "Oh my, those are beautiful. Turn around so I can see the back. My, my, my, those sure are nice." Tess was even clasping her hands together. They were both so serious, Abby so proud, and Tess so admiring, I had a hard time not laughing out loud. Later on I missed a precious moment, they were playing beauty shop. Tess was getting her hair "fixed" so I ran and got my camera, but the moment was lost. Only Tess would pose later on, why Tom hid his face for the picture, I don't know. Little girls are so funny, I'm so glad I got my little girl, even if she farts like a boy, she still is a girly girl.

Pure Poetry in Motion

I don't know about you, but I flush public toilets with my foot, my mom taught me, and I have taught my daughter that same rule. When using a public bathroom last week, I came very close to having a wet shoe. The floor was wet, my purse, which was over my shoulder, was too heavy, and I didn't have much traction with my shoes...I went to flush, with my foot, as I usually do. And slipped. I came so close, too close, to putting my foot into the drink. I caught myself on the walls of the stall, bumped my head, kicked the toilet seat with my foot, hit my back on the toilet paper dispenser, and swore. All that racked didn't go unnoticed. I'm not sure if it was the swearing, or the banging noise that got every ones attention, but I had an audience when I walked out of the bathroom. I am so graceful, pure poetry in motion.

Family Traits

I just noticed something funny about my daughters eating habits...she hums when she's eating something tasty. A trait she shares with her Auntie Rachel. Yummy chicken gets the hmmm, hmmm. So does dad's spaghetti. Another interesting tidbit is that when Tess is alone and playing with her dolls, the dolls sing vibrata (when your voice quivers) to each other. I can't sing (and shouldn't even try, but I still do and I do it badly) much less sing vibrata. Where does this talent come from? Her Grandma can sing, maybe that's where it comes from. This makes me wonder what traits I have from my family. Some of them are easy to spot, others, not so easy. I'm as mellow as yellow-from my dad. I can get very strong when I'm frustrated(watch out on this one, I've been known to get a 10 speed bike loaded into a small car and not know how I got it there, much less be able to get it back out. Watch out for those "Hulk mad!" moments)-this I know is from my mom. My humor? The dark, deep nasty streak is from my mom, enjoying fart humor is from my dad (who is The King of Gas) My good looks? Maybe the mailman was cute. No really, I kinda look like both of my parents. Like if they mated and had a kid...wait a minute, they did, 3 times. My razor quick, sharp as a tack intellect? No one will claim that.

Turning The Big 4-0

The big 4-0 is looming over my head this year. I've been thinking about it, a lot, and I guess I have these thoughts to share. Please feel free to add your own best of or worst of.
The good things about being 40:
This is the healthiest and best I've ever felt.
Being older and wiser.
I was an idiot at 20, and I'm glad things turned out well in spite of that.
Having a great hubby, who I've been with for 22 amazing fun filled years.
Having 4 healthy, smart, funny, and kind children who make me laugh every day.
I'm in really good shape, and having to work at it makes me appreciate it all the more.
I finally don’t give a shit what other people think.
My hair is starting to lose it’s curl (always wanted straight hair.)
I appreciate all small kindnesses, and I'm more grateful for everything I've been blessed with.
I don’t have keep up with the latest fashions.
I eat what’s good for me, and learn to like it.
I'm a great cook, I wasn't always.
I can afford to have life insurance.
Not getting carded.
Enjoying how exercise makes me feel.
Finally getting alone time, and not feeling guilty about enjoying it.
Seeing how great my kids are turning out and being proud of them.
Finally having a new vehicle (I love my minivan.)
Being older and wiser enough to see the bigger picture, in everything.
Being old enough to see patterns in mine and others lives (for good and bad.)
Remembering how wild I once was, and not needed to do that again.
Getting away with more things (I look forward to being able to get away with more, as in “Never mind Grandma, just pretend that her underwear are under her clothes.” Oh yeah, I‘ll embarrass the kids.)
I don’t have to keep up with the “Jones” and I know that I don’t need the latest gadgets.
I've gotten to be a really interesting person with a lot to give.
I see that when I help others, it really does matter.
Knowing how lucky and blessed I am.
I finally don't give a shit what other people think (so great I had to repeat this one.)
The bad things about being 40:
Saggy parts ( I won’t give a specific list.)
Parts that stop working( so far so good on this one.)
Wrinkles (I did earn every one of them.)
Not getting carded.
Low rise jeans (they shouldn't be worn by anyone over 20, and I‘m bitter about when they became fashionable, I would have looked so good in them-before the babies, that is.)
Hearing your favorite songs on the oldies station.
That POS car that you bought for $400.00 when you were 18, that same Muscle car now costs $45,000.
Boy, the negative list is shorter then the positive list. I have so much to be grateful for, and I’m smart enough to realize that.

When Did I Turn Into My Mother?

I can't believe what I just said. Did I really say, "Keep it down to a dull roar, or I'll go crazy." That little ditty joins the long list of other empty threats. Do these sound familiar to you also?
"Stop looking at your sister!"
"Don't make me get up, you'll be a trouble if I have to get up..."
"Do I have to turn around and take you all home? I will if I have to..."
"She may have started it, but I'll end it."
"What is this? Do you see this, it's a phone. Don't interrupt when I'm on the phone."
"Don't put that in your nose ( ear, mouth, pants)"
These are mild compared to the King Mother of all empty threats, used my my Mother-In-Law:"I'll break off your arms, and beat you with the bloody stumps."