Carrie Fisher-isms

Well, I just finished reading Carrie Fishers new book, "Wishful Drinking." I have to highly suggest this book, it's a fast read, and very entertaining. I read it today while the kids were at the dentist, and the other people in the waiting room must have thought I was crazy. I would go from chuckles to giggles to laughing so hard I was crying. Man, this woman is funny. Messed up, but funny. When she's talking about sending out delivery announcements after her daughter was born, she sent this out (Sarah and Elizabeth, you might want to take notes)

Someone's summered in my stomach,
Someone's fallen through my legs,
To make an infant omelet,
Simply scramble sperm and eggs.

Blond Moment?

Blond Moment or the beginning of Senioritis?
Our water softener usually takes a couple of bags of salt each month. Well, it had been a while since I had added salt. Summer 2008 to be exact. Just what we need right now, another bill. Not wanting to think about it, I put it out of my thoughts. You know the good old “bury my head in the sand” trick. We really cannot afford to get it fixed or replaced right now, so I have been putting it off. We just replaced our furnace, our water pipes froze, and now this? Maybe “someday” we’ll get a new one, ours is probably 15 years old, and due to be replaced.
When our pipes froze, Max had to do some work in the laundry room, and noticed a strange thing. Our water softener was not on the fritz, it was simply unplugged. Ignoring it really did work this time, no high costing service call. Now like magic it works again.
Not checking to see if an appliance is plugged in…duh. I’m on that road to nowhere land, the path of needing to take my Ginkgo (when I remember to take it that is) Can I still claim to be having a blond moment?

How Far Is 5.8K?

Mora had its annual Lanternloppett last night, and Max & I decided that it sounded like fun. Night cross-country skiing by lantern light, that could be fun and somewhat romantic. We don’t get out with out the kids often enough. We had a plan, after dinner, we loaded up my van with our cross-country skies, poles, and various cold weather gear. Off to Mora we went. I was nervous; I haven’t cross-country skied in years, 16 years to be exact.
The dark 5.8K trail was lit by lanterns; there were four cabins along the route, complete with food and bonfires. There were maybe 100 people out skiing, and the cabins were jam packed with people eating, drinking and laughing. We went past the first cabin, but stopped at the second. The cabin was filled with welcoming Swedes in turtlenecks and itchy wool sweaters. They offered us hot cider and food. There were so many different types of food available: crock-pots filled with food that smelled delicious, cheese, crackers, cookies, and firewater. Everyone was so nice; they said we could come back any time and use the trails. It was comforting to see so many friendly Scandnavians in one place.
As we headed back out onto the trails, I couldn't’t help but notice that we kept being passed up. I felt bad enough being passed up by a guy and his 10 year old son, but geeze, did I just get passed up by a couple of spry 70 year olds? Luckly no one shouted, "Eat my dust!" as they raced past.

Was I bending by knees enough, or too much? I told myself that maybe I’m just really out of practice, and not out of shape. After all, I'm the one who takes the dog out on daily 2 mile walks, and exercises on a regular bases. It did make be feel a whole lot better when I saw the cabin we started at, “Oh yeah, we’re done!” Was the mantra I kept repeating in my head. Wow, I really felt the last ½ of the trail. It was fun, and I will do it again, but I really need to get more practice in. How far is 5.8K anyway? I did have to look it up, it's 3.603953 miles, by the way.
We did the whole 5.8K, and I have the blisters to prove it.

They Grow Up So Fast...

They just grow up too fast. I picked up Tess from preschool yesterday, and she pointed out “her boy” to me. I guess this little boy helped her get her coat on (I can’t believe she fell for one of the oldest pick up tricks ever) and now, God help me, he’s her boy. She is four, she doesn’t need a boyfriend, but at least he’s her age. Unlike Tom, who loves the older ladies. Tom’s latest target– his gymnastics coach. She’s a cute and tiny woman in her late 30’s with kids of her own, so luckily she thinks his attention is cute. Tom made her a card, with his phone number in it, I might add. She called Tom “her little Sweetie” and he just beamed. Max’s comment summed it all up: “our boy has moved up to Cougars.”

Grandma Shared too Much Info

In honor of getting back in touch with Charissa, I have another family story to share.
My husband, Max, has a Grandma who is just too funny, especially when she doesn't mean to be funny.
Picture this setting: Easter dinner at Grandma's. Grandma is in her 90's and this tiny frail woman is still pretty sharp, and still surprises everyone with her comments. My hubby was looking at a picture of an old car with Grandma & Grandpa standing in front of the car. His Grandma walked up behind him, and made this comment, "Oh, that was the first time your Grandpa and I did it in a car." And then she walked away, leaving my poor hubby standing there with his mouth hanging open. The look on his face must have really been something, because his Dad came over to see what was wrong. All Max could say was, "Grandma just told me that this (motioning towards the picture) was the first time Grandma & Grandpa did it in a car." And then both Max and his Dad were speechless, and more then a little embarrassed.
Grandma shared just a little too much information that day. The family still laughs at that one, of course not in front of Grandma.

Just Kung Fu

I heard a really cute and embarrassing story this past weekend, and yes, I need to share it.
My Mother-In-Law, Sue, told me this one. It's about when my hubby, Max, was a youngster. He walked in on his parents one night. Understandably, he was confused about what he saw and asked, "What are you guys doing?" His Mom, without skipping a beat, said,"We're doing Kung Fu." That's not even the funniest part of the story. Some time later, he went with his Mom, Dad, and Grandma to a drive in theatre. When the couple on screen started to get frisky, Max turned to his Grandma and said, "Look, they're doing Kung Fu!"

Pull My Finger

As I’ve mentioned,my 4-year daughter is a tomboy.Her latest trick is the good old standard joke of–pull my finger. Where she heard that one, well, I've got no idea…Ok, I do have a good idea. I’m not the most delicate flower in the world myself. I do have the amazing ability to out burp most 12-year-old boys, and what a wondrous gift it is too. I like to think that just maybe that gift was what won over my husband, that and my sparkling personality.
I guess that is where my little girl gets her gassy gifts. It is incredibly funny, the look on peoples faces when the hear this sweet looking little girl, all dolled up in a cute dress, saying, “Here, pull my finger.” They look at me as if to say "I didn’t just hear what I think I heard, did I?" And then they hear the rumble that always follows.
I’ll just keep putting her in pretty pink dresses, and hope she finds a man, strong enough, and funny enough to think that her farts smell like roses.