what's going on with my toes?

I’m not sure when this happened or how it happened, but my toes are no longer round and toe shaped but are now little geometrical shapes. The sides are flat and slope at weird angles—kinda like perfect little geometric parallelogram's. I have to know, what in the hell happened? Was it my shoes, were my little piggy’s smushed and deformed by my attractive footwear? I curse my cute shoes if they are to blame… Maybe I should invest in some yoga toes (you must have seen the ads too in the back of Cosmo and Modern American Woman) or maybe I’ll just walk and run around bare foot. I know I need shoes to get into stores, so maybe I could paint shoes on my feet, maybe give myself a nice pair of black high tops (with the Chuck Taylor logo on my ankle) or paint on orange flip flops. Now if I can just make the flip flop smacking sound, it’d be sooo believable, I think I could pull it off...